How to Actually Forgive Somebody

Have you ever tried to forgive somebody & three hours later you were still pissed or sad again?


So.. once, when I was in middle school I did something my momma told me not to do & one of her adult friends called me out on it. Of course, I was in trouble with my mama, but she also told me to apologize to the guy who “snitched” on me. I’m sure you can imagine it didn’t go over well with her when I said loudly, “But I’m not sorry…”


I don’t remember what she said in response, but I knew in my mind that it just didn’t make sense to apologize for something I didn’t really feel sorry for. Yes, I understand the multitudinous principles behind the matter, but I didn’t think I was in the wrong. And in part, I wasn’t

On this new path in my life journey I’ve entered, I’ve come face to face with so many chained up, super glued shut doors covered with dusty cob webs in the repressed segments of my mind we will call “The Memphis Triangle”. I’ll never knock the power of prayer, but in terms of me trying to do my part in healing emotionally from the wounds inflicted on me by the creepy crawly thingies that jump out of those doors & attack me, I’ve been paralyzed to a standstill. It wasn’t until I was introduced to a concept by Iyanla Vanzant, life coach, that I was finally able to see a lot of painful memories either disappear or become neutral ground.  

This is where you may want to grab some paper…


How to ACTUALLY Forgive Somebody

ACCEPT. Out loud (at best) or inwardly say “I accept…” the bad situation that you’re struggling to move passed from. And in situations where you’re having doubts in a certain area of your life, you can also accept the good that’s present.

LET GO. After you’ve accepted whatever the heck it is you needed to accept, then you need to let go of whatever it is that you’re holding onto- the feeling or the memory- that is causing you grief or consuming your time. And I encourage you to either out loud (again, at best) or in your mind say, “I let go of… negative emotions, past events, misperceptions of those events..”

FORGIVE. (PAUSE) After you’ve passed level 1 & level 2, hopefully you’ll reach a place where you feel safe & content with the notion of letting it go to the fullest by forgiving. Forgive yourself, whoever all hurt you, or maybe even them for hurting you & you for stunting your life’s growth by holding on to it for so long. You may realize that you’re just not feeling it. And that’s fine! Do it when you’re ready, but please know that you do have to do this. If not for them, for you.

TAKE NOTE. I’m not going to quote the tired saying that you can forgive but you can’t forget. Oh wait.. my bad (lol). But it’s true. Even though you’ve completed the steps, it doesn’t exempt your mind or the devil from recycling those tired thoughts & memories back into your mind. The only thing you need to worry about when that happens is to simply remind yourself that you’ve 1. Accepted it & 2. Let it go (Optional- 3. Forgave whoever). From here, just shift your focus from the creepy thingies to the knowledge that you’re on a new level now!


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