THE WAIT. The wait is unreal. Unrealistic. Unparalleled. Which makes it hard as Hell.
The wait will have you feeling deserted on an island because that’s how long you’ve been waiting for “The Wait” to become “The Reality”.
The wait hurts. It doesn’t give a crap about how you feel. Or how long you’ve been waiting. That you cry mornings & nights sooo hard that you later realize that the depth of your pain reaches too far down to relieve at once.
The wait just wants to know will you be there when it’s finally over.
Well, I’m tired of waiting.
So there’s something I’ve been waiting on for about 5yrs now. And it’s nothing but the grace of God that I’m still here.. believing in Him… Alive even.. Bc it’s taken sooo much from me to stay strong, hopeful, coherent even. In the beginning, even though I was unsure of how difficult the trials that came along with waiting were gonna be, I still did it with a big A.. smile. Then a couple years went by. Expecting hopes to be fulfilled, I just kept going through more shit. And the bags under my eyes kept pushing downwards, the tear sessions became longer, the pain grew soo heavy that I could feel it weighing on my chest so to the point where I had to gasp in order to breathe correctly.
We ALL have something that we’re hoping for. And I’m not talking child’s play, like hoping for an Xbox for Christmas type of hope. But the type where it feels more dangerous to hold on to hope than it does to pretend the want never existed. Or to find a knockoff version of it, because the real thing is apparently a myth. For the last few yrs I’ve been searching for articles & videos on what to do in this place. And I’ve found a few things that soothe, but what really I’m searching for are answers. An answer of WTH (Hell) is going on? Or what do I do from here, because I’m one more cry away from giving up on You.
Sermons always preach on having faith, but when you’ve been deserted, starving, alone, & battered by life then what you need to know is where can you find some more faith or hope. Because what you came out there with is about to run out. For that, I wish I had specific answers, but I don’t even for myself. And I guess preachers don’t either because if one more person says, “just wait on the Lord!” I’ma SNAP (Just joking). But what I do have is a list of things I’ve been discovering myself… of what to do when faith just ain’t enough anymore.
THINGS THAT HELP
- God’s Presence. I can definitely say that spending time in God’s presence – talking to Him (i.e. Prayer)- or sitting quietly to allow Him to speak to your spirit, does give you a little juice to make it through the day (Deuteronomy 33:25; NIV).
- Listen to Self. In addition to following the somewhat noticeably helpful advice of preachers & Christians- Pray/spend time with God, Bible reading, Scripture reciting- is to listen to your own body & mind. To some Christians this may be anarchic, but I’m discovering that even though it’s not a 100% fix, it helps me to get through.
- Find Contentment. You don’t know how long you’re going to be stranded here. And when all hope is lost, life is still moving around you, so it’s best to learn to accept this new reality & make the best of it.
- Give yourself permission to stay in the emotion you’re feeling. Often times we’re so quick to save face to make those around us feel comfortable that we fake the funk so hard that we even forget we’re covered in shit. It’s ok to be angry or depressed for a while, & to mull there a bit. It’s in this time we’re able to best process what all we’re feeling & why. CAUTION- I will advise though to not allow yourself to stay there forever because you can become stuck.
- Accept what you’re feeling. Accept your crappy situation. Because when you say it out loud it helps make it real to you that you’re trying to move forward with your life.
- Let go of how you felt or thought before.
- Remind yourself when those thoughts return or you run into a similar situation that you’ve accepted this as your reality & you’re letting it go. And every time it comes up, just remind yourself of that.
If you’re forced into The Wait like I am, then realize there will be moments where faith just ain’t enough. And I’m not gonna lie to you like it’s easy to find. And I’m not promising anybody a foil proof recipe, but these are tested theories I’ve witnessed & tried on myself. And I hope they work for you too!